And we are up and running

Changes, changes, and more changes. Seems like all for the good. I hesitate to say such things, because I feel like if I say it out loud, it will surely not be allowed and it will be taken away. I don't know where that feeling comes from. Perhaps, from the sheer desire of wanting your children to succeed so bad, you will devote your whole life to see it happen. Or, maybe from a place where you're so tired of thinking what your children might not be able to do, it makes you sick. Maybe from both. Definitely from both. Sometimes I sit here and see Annie interact with Joslyn, playing and laughing together, Josh with Bella over his head, using googly eyes and baby talk and think, " Man, this is it. This is what I dreamed about." Then other times, I'm reminded of my "not so normal" life and so begins the slow fade. Mostly at night, when everyone is asleep, I wonder if God will hear my prayers of begging and pleading; for it is at night, when everything stops. The crying, the potty-training, the diaper changing, the feeding, the laundry, the therapy, the doctor's appointments, the view of your child struggling to live daily life, and your other children suffering because mommy has to follow through on behavior strategies before I can do anything else. Then my mind goes to those that are struggling much more than my own family. Death, disease, despair. There are worse things than autism.
Joslyn is doing fantastic. She wants to be in the spotlight AT ALL TIMES. She loves any and all attention you can give her. If she sees someone else getting her attention, she will remind you she needs to be front and center. She thinks she is boss. We have implemented more picture visuals for Annie with behavioral tactics woven in. If Annie throws something in anger, we get the picture card that has a girl throwing a ball with a big red line through it. We hold it up and say, "what does that say Annie? Thats says no throwing, go pick it up." So of course, Joslyn naturally follows what we do and she wants to implement and reinforce ABA therapy. She holds the picture up to Annies face and says " ANNNNNIIIEEEE What does that say???? That says NOOOOOOO throwing, now go pick it up. " The first time this happened, Josh and I had to turn our heads and laugh because Annie did what she was told. This girl is hilarious and will, no doubt give me much comedic relief and probably grief at some point. She is my helper and is one person that helps me get through the hard days.
Bella boo is always smiling. She is such a happy little baby. I'm scared to death she will regress into autism. I'm watching her like a hawk. I pray everyday, please please please don't take her too. She sleeps 12 hours a night and takes two naps. I am starting some biomedical stuff with her to prevent autism as much as I can. I couldn't ask for a better baby girl. She lights up my soul.

Alot has happened with Annie since the last time I wrote. ABA therapy is in full swing and Annie is responding BEAUTIFULLY. She is not the same little girl she was in 2010. I have a good group of therapists that are committed to seeing Annie have the best life she can have. I had an IEP meeting with Annie's school. It consisted of myself, Josh, Kristina (BCBA - ABA therapist), Ashley (Community Living Supports therapist), Bonnie (behavior supports), Principal, speech therapist, occupational therapist, preschool gen-ed teacher, special ed teacher, school psychologist, and a member of kenton co. central office. Sheesh. For one child. We determined that it would be best for Annie at this time to go in to the structured teaching unit where they would provide visual supports, such as picture schedules and general pictures for communication. They would also apply many ABA therapeutic interventions that are specific to autism. The teacher seemed awesome and talked with me for two hours on the phone about Annie and the plan they would implement for her. I am impressed and so was our ABA therapist. She started this classroom on tuesday and I have seen nothing but improvement. I am so happy because I think Annie was getting very frustrated in the regular preschool class. Thank God for Beechgrove Elementary and members of staff that care.
Annie also saw a neurologist to be worked up for mitochondrial disorder. I'm not sure why I get myself prepared for greatness when it comes to mainstream pediatric care. I leave disappointed every single time and it just affirms my decision as to why we go the biomedical route with our DAN! dr. This neurologist was no help and actually my mom and I kept shooting each other looks like, "Really? He's a doctor?" We left with no more help than we came with.
We have an appointment with our DAN doctor on March 10, and we have ALOT of questions. I hope he's ready. We will find out test results from a myriad of different, very expensive tests that insurance does not cover, of course. Nor does insurance cover this doctor. We will no doubt leave with alot of info and help. We love him.
Annie got her leg braces for her toe-walking and she is doing awesome with them. It really surprised me. She is so defensive with her hands and feet I thought she was going to go crazy on me. We call them her princess shoes and she puts them on with no problem and wears them like a champ. I actually think it provides more sensory input for her, so she doesn't mind. We are working up to wearing them the whole day everyday, an hour at a time.
We have started going to church again. Its been a long while since we felt welcome at a church that would also welcome Annie and her challenges. That is why we havn't gone for such a long time. I called Lakeside Church and they said they would actually provide someone for Annie who is involved with special needs. It has truly been awesome. They take Annie and we do not have to worry. Every church needs to be doing this. If you are not, you are alienating a huge population, and in my opinion, worthless to this type of community who might need a place to go to for support. And in turn, have missed a huge opportunity to reach out to these families. Just sayin.......
We are in the process to get an autism service dog for Annie. This dog is trained in autistic characteristics and is trained to keep the child safe by alerting someone Annie might be, or could be in danger. They are also trained in search and rescue so in the case that Annie found some way to get out of our house (despite safety measures) the dog could start searching for her. A lady from Lakeside, who took care of Annie for us during church, actually had a service dog for her daughter. Thought that alone was crazy that God brought us together like that. Then I get a message today about someone wanting to help us raise funds for Annie's dog and she said her church has an outreach program designed for these sort of things. I asked what church and she said LAKESIDE. I was actually dumbfounded. It has been a long time since I felt God drop something in my lap that was so obvious and in your face. It was one of those moments where I just sat there and I think it confirms that this is the church we need to be attending. I'm still speechless and really thankful and this woman's heart to reach out to strangers. Says alot coming from someone who  knows NOTHING about you and wants NOTHING in return.

I'm excited for what our future holds in all five of our lives as we continue on our journey of healing, hope, and helping others.

Joslyn

Annie

Bella