Face of Adversity

The Face of Adversity. It can seem like such an ugly face. Everyone has one. Different degrees, different levels. But everyone has one. How does the saying go? "Adversity makes you bitter or better." Which will you choose. It's so easy to get bitter very quickly, even after you have gotten better. It's a slippery slope. See, when one loses hope, one loses motivation. And then you start to slide. And it seems as though adversity is the vehicle taking you down to your rock bottom, stripping away everything you ever thought was "yours" or eveyrthing you thought you were entitled to. Sometimes its hard to choose better, especially when the future is unknown. The fear of the unknown can be paralyzing, stopping you dead in your tracks. At the end of the day, through all the tears, the frustrations, the anger, the hopelessness, and the fear, you have to find that light. That small little light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes you need a magnifying glass, but it's there. I'm choosing to hold onto that light. You have to face the clouds to see the silver lining, and cling to your God who holds your tears in a bottle.

Update:
We had to return to the ER last week to get Annie evaluated for a bowel obstruction. She had to have an IV and be admitted and cleaned out. She endured alot but still had a smile of that petite little face of hers. They drew more labs and we had yet another elevated lactic acid. We are not sure what this means for Annie. We are being referred to another neurologist. We've been warned that she may have to have a muscle biopsy. Two of her three doctors are leaning towards a mitochondrial disorder. If in fact, she has this, it would explain autism due this disorder making one much more susceptible to autism. It also tunes me into the fact that Bella and Joslyn could have the same thing since it is genetic. We just don't know at this point.  The fear of the unknown yet again. Since then we have put Annie on probiotics and digestive enzymes. We are also doing this for Joslyn because she has major intestinal issues as well. Our DAN doctor recommended Hyperbaric Oxygen treatments (HBOT) but they are extremely expensive so we cannot do that at this time. Its sad to know your child needs something and you cannot provide it for them. It sends mommy guilt into full throttle. God knows what she needs and I have to rely on Him to provide for her. We are doing well, though. We have a strong family. Joslyn is blossoming in preschool as well as Annie. Bella still cries, alot. But when she smiles, she captures my heart. I went back to work. It's tough to work nights and be ready to function for three kids on Monday morning. But you do what you have to do. Josh is doing well at his job. We rarely have family days due to our working schedules but we love each other and try to not let the stress affect our marriage.

We are trying to get Annie into a couple state programs to help get her therapists. Its not going very well. Its hard to convince the state your child needs help. Honestly, I don't know how bad a child needs to get before they deem you worthy of services. Please be praying that she receives Impact Plus services.

Also I will be shutting down my facebook on Nov 1, 2010. I've said before, its my measely attempt at raising awareness for the communication challenges that children/adults with autism face. I wish I could get into Annie's head and see the world through her eyes, and not just shut down FB for one day. Its a nationwide thing. Shut it down, in honor of those who face shutdowns multiple times a day.